That Good Self-Love

Hey queens heyyy. 2019 is in full swing and I know we all have some demons that have carried over from 2018. I don’t understand why that bitch won’t leave us alone yet like damn, it’s a new year. I have seen many “resolutions” or goals to indulge in self-love for the new year. Well bitch, YOU KNOW I AM DAMN WELL HERE FOR IT. I think a lot of us crave love and companionship but the best person to fall in love with is ya fucking self. Though, what the hell does that even mean? I always preach to others about learning who you are and to love yourself but what does that even look like? Sis, we about to get into it.

Self-love looks different for everyone but still holds a similar foundation. Though, this will be easier to explain if you take out “self” for now. This leads to focusing on what love means and looks like by itself. (Just stick with me bitch, I promise it will eventually make some sense, somewhere) Now, there’s many versions, languages, and interpretations of love. When you love someone, you care and appreciate every aspect on their best and worst days, unconditionally. So, the best way to think about loving yourself is to create an understanding on what it’s like to be in a relationship with yourself. Whether we want to admit it or not, queens have their bad days, shit sometimes it seems like bad weeks or months. There are times where you are surrounded by people but can still feel lonely (fuck, that was deep as shit sorry) It’s hard to admit but it’s the truth. I think a lot of us are trying to fill this loneliness with love from other sources. Maybe turning to ain't shit men or possibly to your person who you think is the shit compared to everyone else. You could also be indulging in unhealthy habits thinking this will fill that missing part. Sis, I am telling you that ain't it. So, let’s rewind. When you begin to create a relationship and develop strong feelings about someone, you gain this sense of caring and understanding. Well, that’s exactly how you need to invest in yourself. STOP investing in other people and other things until you see the return that you want from yourself.

I think the relationship analogy is the best way to think about practicing self-love. The “talking” or beginning stage usually begins with a lot of conversation, learning about habits, emotions and trying to understand the overall person. Then there comes a point where you feel comfortable enough to share your affection and show appreciation for that other person. Loving yourself goes the same way. A lot of the time we think we know who we are but in reality there are still missing pieces. Take the time to be alone, figure out your goals and what makes you happy in the healthiest way possible so you can cater to your true needs. I want you to see and accept how beautiful you are. I am talking about your simple and natural beauty as a woman. Like bitch, whether you believe it or not, you are an absolute fucking dime piece but you need to see that. Anyone can tell you that but you have to see it for yourself. After you figure out what makes you happy, you need to know that you COMPLETELY DESERVE IT. You are beyond worthy of true love and the best place to get that is yourself. Relationships also include maintenance and reassurance because there will always be tough days filled with doubt. If you were in a relationship, friend or spouse, you would never want your person to feel unloved, unappreciated or unwanted so why would allow yourself to feel like that? LEARN TO BE YOUR OWN PERSON. Plus, if you feel unlovable, how can you love someone else or allow them to love you? How do you expect to be someone’s person if you can’t be your own?

There are small investments and larger investments of self-love. The smaller things like treating yourself to a monthly mini-shopping spree, reading a new book while in the bathtub, or taking a little step out of your comfort zone with red lipstick because you felt beautiful today. These type of investments give you little boosts of self-esteem and confidence that eventually build up over time. Larger investments also take time but develop a deeper understanding for who you are and want to be. An example of this would be taking a day or so away from social media; simply unplugging and enjoying the day for what it has to offer. You could even possibly pick up a whole new hobby or find something else to enjoy like a fitness or painting class. Now trust me, this sounds beyond corny I am aware but you learn a lot about yourself by trying new things and getting involved in different situations. Worse comes to worse, you try something and don’t like it but that the beauty of it! You learned something you DON’T like. Self-love doesn’t always have to be learning about things you like, it’s just learning about yourself in general. Love is exciting and you want to keep things fresh so you don’t fall into an unbreakable cycle; or that episode of spongebob where squidward does the same thing every day and eventually becomes unpleasant day by day.

In conclusion, practice self-love by defining what love means to you and practicing that as if you’re in a relationship with yourself. The overall process takes time, commitment and involves a lot of investment. (I’m a business major, sorry I keep using that word) Also let me reiterate, THIS SHIT AIN'T EASY. You’ll definitely want to give up here and there, and probably go back to that source that you think fills you with love and yet again be unpleasant but that’s all part of the journey. Love carries some struggles, battles, trial and error. It just truly be like that sometimes. You eventually gain an understand of what you want out of life, who you are, what you deserve and how that all ties into your happiness. Though, in the midst of that, you’ll learn how to just make yourself happy. When you are happy with the process of life, everything will fall into place naturally. When you love yourself, others begin to fall in love with you because of the bomb ass energy you bring to the table. Don’t go looking for love. If you want love, just look in the mirror my queens.

XOXO, from one queen to another,