All The Feelz

Hello my beautiful queens. I’m done apologizing for my trash time management and lack of ability to post blogs in a timely manner. It just really be like that sometimes. I also haven’t been inspired as much as I used to. I’ve been spitting endless advice towards my friends in their times of need for my random ass wisdom. Though, nothing really spoke to me until recently. So today, we diving in hard like Trey Songz, and talking about some feels.

Alright, as we know, bitches be sad. But aside from being sad, we also get angry, frustrated and everything else in between. As queens especially, it’s common knowledge that we are more emotional or simply speak/express ourselves with more emotion than kings. It’s cool, it’s whatever. So, what I’m trying to get into is that we, as humans, have feelings and no matter what they are or how extreme, NO ONE SHOULD HAVE THE POWER TO INVALIDATE THEM NOR SHOULD YOU INVALIDATE SOMEONE ELSE’S. For starters, let’s talk about what it means to invalidate feelings. When someone invalidates your feelings, they ignore the true reason of you expressing your viewpoints. If you feel some type of way about something and express that, but someone expresses that they don’t agree, or that it doesn’t make sense to them and they remain defensive, THAT’S INVALIDATION. (that was long winded as fuck, sorry) Many people also become defensive and “claim” they are listening but in reality they’re just restating why they think they are “right” over and over. Though, when it comes to feelings, NO ONE IS RIGHT. Typically, when someone doesn’t agree, that’s when they express that your feelings may not matter. That is never the case. Your feelings will always matter and I never want you to believe otherwise. Everyone gets in their feels whether they want to admit it or not.

I feel like many people have feelings about certain topics and when they express themselves to someone who reacts negatively, they become submissive and doubtful. Whether it’s a friend, family member or spouse, don’t let that shit happen. Even if you’re aware that you’re expressing yourself over a smaller matter, it’s still valid. I think we sometimes find ourselves apologizing for feeling the way we do because it doesn’t suit the other person’s standards. BRUH, FUCK THAT. Everyone deserves to freely express themselves and not feel judged. If you sit back and realize you felt like a dumb bitch after the fact, sure that’s fine. But in the moment, your'e not dumb and you feelings will always matter. Even if the matter is something small like your person liking someone’s pictures, or you don’t like when your friend says something specific with a negative connotation. If those things matter to you, they should matter to the people that you’re expressing yourself to. A close friend of mine often finds herself stressing over little things and expresses her struggles/worries to me. She then ends up overthinking the situation and becomes emotional. Now, I have different struggles so just because I don’t relate to hers, doesn’t mean hers are invalid. I always give her time to be upset, vent and allow her to feel comfortable with being vulnerable in the moment. I would never want someone to tell me that my feelings are stupid, so I couldn’t imagine doing it to someone else. Plus in the end, she usually admits that she was overreacting but in the moment she just wanted to be emotional which is okay! Emotions tend to spiral out of control and sometimes people just need to get it all out to realize how they really feel in the end.

Now, this shit works in reverse too. There is never a reason to invalidate someone else’s feelings. If someone confides in you, give them the attention they deserve. As queens, we need to acknowledge that kings have feelings too. I know that shit doesn’t seem realistic and it’s hard to believe that they’re not robots but from time to time, they’re genuinely trying to express their true feelings. Men opening up is usually rare and a giant step for them in certain situations. They also deserve full attention and validation. Plus, when they start to open up and you begin to validate their feelings, they will most likely feel more comfortable with you over time. Validating feelings and developing a foundation of understanding is a great/healthy way to start off any successful relationship.

In short, feelings are some wild shit and no matter the degree of the situation, they matter. We all deserve someone who not only listens to our feelings but who validates them. Y’all I was talking to my honey (who ain’t officially my honey, but he’s still MY honey) recently. I have been feeling some type of way about our communication and just minor things that affected me in my last relationship. So, I was talking to him and sharing my feelings. Not only did this man listen to me, but he told me he was listening, understood and will make adjustments, AFTER he explained that it’s not really his way of things. Like, homeboy was willing to adjust for little ol’ me. BITCH, I about died and my heart was bumping. No matter who it is. You deserve to have people who listen in your emotional times of need. If you want to cry, roll with it. If you’re angry about your bff canceling plans last minute, express yourself. Go on with the feelings bitch. Don’t ever give someone the power to make you feel less because you’re not. My queen are some tough ass bitches. Plus, I will always remind you that being a queen is some shit but it’s nothing that you can’t handle.

xoxo, from one queen to another,