To Cuff or Not To Cuff

Hey hey queens! Its woman crush Wednesday and y’all already know who I’m crushing on. If you don’t know… get it together. (it’s you) Anyway speaking of this day, I know the reality of woman crush Wednesday makes some of us, single ladies, upset and feelin’ lonely. We all go on social media, see all the cute posts about relationships, and all the sweet shit being portrayed. Especially around this time because it’s mf cuffing season. Our social media is constantly revealing the best parts of someone’s relationships, the “goals” and different fun/enjoyable aspects of a bond that we crave and envy. But, why are we so envious? Are you convinced that no one will ever love you? Do you think that you just constantly attract shitty men? Are you just set on that men only want you for sex? I want you to think about all of these for a total of 2 seconds. Then I want all these ideas to totally vanish from your mind. None of these should really be in consideration because none of these are true, nor do they matter. The most important relationship will be and always will be the relationship you have with yourself… And that my queens, is the mf tea that we are sipping on today.

Now let me backtrack a little bit. If you’re in a relationship, this still applies to you 100% because you can’t love anyone else before you learn to love yourself. But let me repeat myself loud and clear in case you didn’t really read that correctly, I SAID, YOU CAN’T LOVE ANYONE ELSE BEFORE YOU LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. It may seem like a lie and many people are convinced that they will find love and happiness through other people and that’s not how it works. Whether you have a person or not, they are not your complete happiness, they are A PART of your happiness. Though women are known for being loving and nurturing creatures, we convince ourselves that we will only be happy with ourselves if we have someone. So, as relationships begin to develop, we realize that we are taking our insecurities, flaws and, low self-esteem out on these people we convince ourselves to love. Yes, this may be the harsh truth but it’s pretty factual information. I know because I’ve been there and know many of my queens have. But damn why do you think I write these shits??? It’s because I know being a queen is rough, so I am here to encourage you all to push through those insecurities, indulge in self-love/care, and gain the confidence you need in life so you can come across that relationship or happiness. Though, if you’re in a relationship, I wish the best for you and hope that you happiness is coming from within and being shared with your partner rather than making them the center. This concept may sound selfish to many and it kind of is, which is okay. In terms of self-love, it’s always okay to be selfish. Now, I’m not saying go be a cocky asshole who thinks they’re too good for everyone. I’m saying all my queens deserve to possess confidence and happiness that leads to a content life with healthy relationships.

This leads to the next dilemma. Another issue with the relationship gloating season (sorry, it really be like that) is that the single ladies feel the pressure and we go looking for someone. I’ve said this before at least a million times and I will continue to keep saying it; YOU DON’T NEED ANYONE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, YOU CAN WANT SOMEONE ALL DAY LONG, BUT YOU DON’T NEED THEM. I see tweets all the time saying “okay, I want a boyfriend now.” Or “Looking for a boo, please apply in my DMS.” Bitch, I’ve been there but wtf do you think this is? This isn’t a gotttt damn scavenger hunt or job application. My point is that none of this shit should be planned or looked for. The best relationships (friendships or romantic) are always unexpected. Though, like I mentioned earlier, the most important relationship of them all is the one with yourself. I know you’re thinking, WTF DOES THAT MEAN SIS? Well, I’m finna tell you.

When you develop a relationship with yourself, you treat it like any other partnership. You take the time and energy to invest in learning about that person. Through your journey in investing and expressing how you feel, you begin to fall in love. The end goal of every relationship is genuine love, an understanding of happiness, and the feeling of being content. So, let’s break down each aspect. The best way to start investing in yourself is by taking the time to think about the things you enjoy doing alone and for yourself. If you don’t think you have anything you enjoy doing alone, find something and indulge in it. For example, I love writing these shits and by that I’ve learned that I really like communicating, encouraging women, as well as not shutting the fuck up. I’ve also learned that I enjoy working out alone because it gives me the opportunity to challenge and discipline myself. These are things that took time to learn because they were used as outlets to express myself but weren’t my typical resources. The more I learned to express myself, I found new things that contributed to my happiness that contribute to who I am as a woman. As your investment continues, you begin to realize what you want out of life and what is important to you. When you see what’s important you, your worth becomes clear and you become aware of what you deserve. SO, the whole point of this is, there is no reason to be bitter during this cuffing season because there is so much love to be shared and you can benefit from it the most.

Now, my message was a little harsh and it’s definitely not easy to totally grasp right away. Just like any relationship, it takes time to develop a true understanding for someone. You will not learn who you are or who they are over night; that ain’t it. Though, if you’re serious and committed about something/someone, you find a way to make it work. Love yourself how you would want your son/daughter to love themselves. Now the single life doesn’t have to be all serious and self-disciplined, use this time to fuck up and learn from it. Nothing is easy in life and loving yourself is hard because society will always convince us that we are not capable of being our own independent person. We are not capable of being skinny, not capable of having expensive things, not capable of being loved, blah blah blah. You’ll laugh at these concepts one day, I’m sure of it. While you’re single, go fuck around (but be safe because no one time has time for babies and STDs, which is when learning about yourself will be FORCED AND NOT FUN), go try new things, set goals, or maybe explore some shit. I’m not sure what you want out of life, but this is the time to figure it out and go for it. Throughout this journey you’ll end up somewhere between happy and content with who you are as a woman. Then after all of this, someone who wants to contribute to your happiness will come along and you’ll have another challenge of learning about yourself. Yet, at this point, you should be aware of your wants versus your needs as well as what will build you up rather than break you.

So ladies, stop asking Santa for a fucking boyfriend or husband this holiday/cuffing season. This is the time to love yourself. The holidays season is all about spreading love and thanks. So, bitch be thankful for the bad bitch you are and love it. It’s okay to be alone and using this time to be productive. I hope all my queens are just somewhat aware of the happiness they deserve because I mean that shit. We are all capable of accomplishing the goals we have and we’re going to do so with confidence which comes from self-love. Most of the time people will fall in love with you because of how you love yourself.

XOXO, from one queen to another,

(P.S if you enjoyed this blog, please go back to my one of my older posts “Wants Vs. Needs” for another a good read!)