Relationships

***Disclaimer: This shit is a little more serious and sappy rather than my sarcastic and whitty stuff.***

We meet again my queens! I'm excited for this topic because it's something I tend to give a lot of advice about. I have no idea why people ask me for opinions and guidance about relationships but they do. I think relationships are one of the coolest things you can experience but they can also be very difficult. I can't remember where I heard this but it's been often discussed that relationships will always be a battle because you are learning to deal with someone else's thought process, personality and feelings. The main thing that makes them difficult is because it's hard to spend a chunk of your life with someone, learn about them as a person, and understand how they think. I think one of the biggest flaws in relationships is wanting your partner to think EXACTLY like you. No matter how hard you try, another person will never think exactly like you. Of course, you will have similar personalities that create similar thoughts but everyone thinks differently and it's a very hard concept to grasp.

When I say think differently I mean how one does things in certain situations. For example, in my past relationship, he enjoyed spending large amounts of his money on material things that pertained to hobbies and interests. Personally, I don't spend too much money on stuff like that but I'll shop or get my nails done from time to time. That was a big thing we didn't agree on but my flaw was that I expected him to have the same mindset of saving money and not spending large amounts just like I did. Of course, I didn't realize it created an issue until much later. Though there was many issues where he didn't understand my mindset either. But if you experience this issue, don't work to change your partner. You should never try to change someone but rather you should grow and mature with them.

What I'm trying to get at is relationships take serious dedication, understanding, communication and time to make things work. They shouldn't be filled with games, lies, or lack of effort. I see relationships as pursuing a potential husband or wife because that's the bigger picture. It takes a decent amount of time to decide if you're happy and content to spend the rest of your life with someone.

Just because it takes a decent amount of time to "find the one" doesn't mean you should dedicate ALL you time to the one you're with. Couples are 2 people who form a team. Let's reiterate, 2 GOTTTT DAMN PEOPLE. So even though you are a collective unit in a relationship doesn't mean you are not your own person. I understand that it's hard to not be clingy, shit bitch, I was helllllla clingy. Though after the puppy dog phase where the relationship really starts going through the battles, you need to take a step back, realize that you live your own life but you have someone to love and support you while you do so. You don't need constant communication, reassurance or to be hanging out 24/7. Of course, the idea of it is great but each couple should have a sturdy foundation of the things I said before. Plan an effective communication system that you're both comfortable with, get the reassurance you need but don't depend on it, and hang out with your person so it's special every time. A good chunk of me believes that distance makes the heart grow fonder, so give each other time to miss each other.

Okay, we're about to get sappy in this bitch. I have only been in one "real" long-term relationship so far in my life. The best part of the dating him was that it was completely unexpected. I didn't even want a relationship at the time but it was something that naturally fell into place. Even though it ended, I can honestly say that some of my happiest moments were within those 2 years. It was so cool to have someone to tackle life with. Homeboy was my first love and even though I can't stand him now (sorry, not sorry), I will never forget him (even though I have tried). It was fun to learn about someone and learning how to be with someone as a team. While I was learning about who we were, I was also learning about myself. Usually when people get out of relationships they say how it was "wasted time" but no matter how bad it was, I don't think time is ever wasted. There is always a lesson learned through every experience. He was a great guy, I was defientely in love whole heartily but as time went on, we realized we weren't on the same page. Though because we had so much time and emotion invested, I fought to find the spark we had in the beginning. I then realized I was the only one fighting so I did what I had to do for myself. I loved him but I had to love myself more and end our relationship for the better. (sorry for the sappy and kinda sad story)

My point is relationships are cool but they're hard work (I think I have said this at least 4 times). So it's up to both people to decide how dedicated they are to make the relationship work. In my opinion, there are a few major components that help make a relationship successful:

- Communication

- Trust

- Loyalty

- Confidence

- Respect

- Honesty

COMMUNICATION IS KEY. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. ONE MORE TIME FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK. COMMUNICATION IS KEYYYY. Every couple needs a foundation of effective communication. Even during the "talking"/beginning stage, every couple needs to have the talk about the "end goal" of what they are and want to be. If people were more upfront from the beginning then less feelings would be hurt in the end. Sometimes people simply want a sexual relationship and that's okay but that needs to be made clear before anyone gets lead on thinking there is more. You should be able to talk to your girl/man about anything and everything. You're just trying to be friends with benefits? Tell them. You feel like they're being distant? Talk it out. You think they have been acting a little differently? Talk about it. You can't stand something they do/something they do makes you upset. TALK TO THEM. You should never be afraid to talk to the person you are going through life with.

If you can not trust, or learn to trust your partner, do not invest the time in someone else when you can invest it in yourself. If you have trust issues, learn to solve them on your own rather than dragging someone along. I'm pretty sure everyone has an experience where their trust was broken. THAT SHIT SUCKS BRO. But I have learned that trust issues are preventing people from so much these days. Everyone is so scared to let someone in or share real feelings because they fear of trusting someone. I'm here to tell you that you will most definitely get hurt and have your trust broken again throughout your life. The only thing you can do is let people earn your trust, use your best judgement and carry on with life. No one wants to be hurt but it happens. Don't live a fearful life all because one person wasn't worth your time and effort.

Loyalty is a huge concept and should speak for itself. I have never understood the concept of cheating because I honestly think it's one of the most disrespectful actions. I don't understand how you can look someone in the face and express your love/affection towards them, then go behind their back and pursue someone else. If you can't be loyal, don't be in a relationship, simple as that.

Confidence is another top component for a successful relationship. If you're in a relationship or pursuing one, you need to have confidence in yourself, your partner and both of you as a unit. For starters, you need to have confidence in yourself because someone is pursuing for you a reason and you are totally worth being pursued. You need to be confident that you are worth being loved whether you have someone or not. When it comes to your partner, you need to be confident that he/she loves you for many reasons. Be confident that together you are a couple who is going to make it and be strong. If you don't believe in yourself or each other, the relationship can slowly fall apart.

When you are in a relationship you learn a lot about what your person likes, dislikes, tolerates and not. If you love your spouse you will respect their wishes, concerns and interests. Yeah, you might not whole heartily have interest in them like they do, but out of love you should have respect for who you are dating or talking to. For example, your person may be a gym rat but that's not really your thing. As a spouse, you should love, support and respect his interests even if they aren't the same as yours. Another example, your girl/man may not like when you say certain things even though you think they're funny or "not serious", so if they ask you to stop, you should out of respect, even if you don't fully agree. If it's something simple, sometimes it's better to bite your tongue and put pride aside to make your person happy. Though, if it's a bigger issues, like acting up when your person isn't around, then you as a couple should be able to have respect for each other to discuss your issues and work things out. Couples sometimes need to find balance through compromise.

Last but not least, honesty. There is no point in being in a relationship if you can't be 100% honest all the time. I'm not sure how you could lie to someone when you're sharing your life with them. I understand that the truth may be hard sometimes but being honest is a foundation to a relationship.

In conclusion, I think relationships are really cool, fun and a learning experience. Your girl/man should ultimately be your best friend and someone you're comfortable to experience life with. If you're in one, I hope you guys work towards pushing each other to be better people everyday and share the love of a lifetime. If you just got out of a relationship and you think the world is going to end, I promise it's not. Spend this time to find what happiness and life means to you rather than being caught up on what your ex is doing. If you have never been in a relationship and feel like you will never find love, then take a step back, focus on who you are as a person and let everything else fall naturally into place. Everyone is worthy of being loved and no one should ever forget that.